I have been trying to come to terms with the word abuse, and trying to apply it to everything that has happened to me.
Maybe I’m too close to it to see it objectively, or perhaps I’m too afraid to look at it truthfully. My teacher calls it abuse; and I think I would too if I were hearing such stories from someone else.
But I feel like I can’t rightfully call what’s happening to me abuse. I was never beaten or anything horrible like that; the last spanking I got was when I was eight years old. I was never denied proper food or warmth or clothing. I got the things I asked for, within reason.
So to call all of this abuse, it seems wrong. What child has not felt that their parents have no understanding of them? What child has not been yelled at, or told that this or that dream wasn’t a worthy one? Growing up is never easy for anyone. Why call this abuse?
I don’t know one person who has grown up without an emotional scar or two. Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual, and a child doesn’t come with a “how to care for me” list like a houseplant. I know that parenthood is pretty much a learn-on-the-job thing, and that each child is different, so there is no “one size fits all” style of parenting.
So I know that parents make mistakes and sometimes the mistakes leave wounds that might not heal properly. Can I rightfully blame my parents for the mistakes they made with me? And can those mistakes be called abuse?
I feel like I’m missing some important part of this. I’m missing some vital piece of something that would change the way I see all these random incidents and bring me to some kind of conclusion.
Broomjacked! 
You may benefit from reading my article “What is Verbal Abuse?”
http://dalehyde.wordpress.com/2011/05/04/what-is-verbal-abuse-defined/
It is written we will have parents, but nowhere it is written they will be good ones. Of course they make mistakes, and it shows your good heart that you want to forgive them that, but it does not remove the pain or the injury that has been done.
I as a parent made my own mistakes, for which I will always bear the shame of the pain I caused, but even knowing that I could have done better, does nothing for the scars I left on my children.
I have been told, to my face, of such pain and all I can do, is try to help them work through it. But was I abusive at times, the answer has to be, yes.. I was, and that was not an easy thing to admit.
As you say parenting is hands on training, with no manual, but even then I knew.. I was wrong and let my own pride and anger rule many of my actions, that was wrong, I don’t care who is doing it, its abuse even if that someone, was me.