I’ve been away from the homeplace for about three weeks now, and it has begun just as I predicted it would.
I’ve not been calling the Keeper of the Holograms or any of the rest of them, except for the Bestower of Righteous Silliness, to talk to the kids. That’s once a week, tops. There have been (and still are) birthdays that will demand calls, but I keep the conversations to a minimum.
But today I get my aunt calling me. This aunt (along with my grandmother and most of my mom’s siblings) lives in Louisiana. She asked me what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I told her that I wasn’t doing anything, probably. She asked me about Christmas and New Year’s, and I told her I don’t know; if I’m lucky, I’ll be working then. I asked her why, and she said that she wanted to come get me so I could “spend some real holiday time” with them.
…Yeah, I don’t know either. I don’t want to spend the holidays with any of them; I don’t want to see any of them. Here’s my first year of being away from them at the most difficult time of year, and they want me to go back there? I’m looking forward to not cooking a huge monster meal, not having to deal with trying to pretend everything’s perfect and happy-happy, and mostly not having to put on a false face. They want me to go there to “spend time” with them, but I know what that means.
These particular family members haven’t done anything to me, but I don’t want to be with any of them. I don’t want to have to feel impelled to explain why I’ve done what I did, or how I feel about it. I just want to spend the reminder of 2012 in a place that’s as stress-free as I can manage.
I don’t feel like having family in my face, trying to pry information out of me that they can take back to my mother (my aunt told me that she was calling at my mother’s insistence). I just want to have a restful holiday.
Is it wrong to feel that way? I know I’m not more than an hour away from them, but he thought of seeing them does not make me happy.
I feel very fragile right now. I don’t know why, but I feel like I’ll start crying if somebody looks at me the wrong way. All this emotion is suddenly right here and I feel like there’s no defense against it.
I don’t know where this is coming from. Or why it’s coming now. It’s like trying to ride a wave you didn’t know was waiting to crash over you.
The time changed a few days back. I knew it was coming, so I made sure to text both Volcano and the Keeper of the Holograms the day before to remind them. Why, yes, usually I handle those things, how did you know?
Well, you can guess how that wound up.
I hear from the Keeper of the Holograms the next day. She got to work an hour early. “Why didn’t you remind me to change my clock? You know I can’t remember that stuff.”
…What? I left her a text message! I could’ve just let them swing, but I thought enough of them to text and be sure they knew what was coming. It’s not my fault that she forgot.
Oh, and a curiousity: since I’ve left, the Keeper of the Holograms always sounds down on the phone. Draggy, sad, like she’s heading into a deep depression. She mouths all the right words, but she’s nowhere near meaning them. I don’t know what her problem is. She was never happy when I was there, but now she’s not happy I’m gone?
I’ve left my family back at the homeplace!
So you won’t hear any more about the Keeper of the Holograms, Volcano, the Bestower of Righteous Silliness or the Lord of Lassitude, except in passing. No more direct interactions with them except by phone, text or e-mail.
I’m living for a time with childhood friends. I haven’t found good nicknames for them yet, but when I do I’ll add them to the intro post.
The fam wasn’t happy when I told them I was heading ’em up and moving ’em out a few states away from them. They told me I was making a horrible mistake, that I was going to be used, that I was abandoning them in their “time of need”, and how could I do that?
The Lord of Lassitude hit me with his (and Volcano’s) displeasure about a week before I left in a very ugly scene that left me shaken and afraid. It was bad, really, really bad. Let’s just say he called me every name in the book, threatened me, and basically threw his weight around–both metaphysically and emotionally. Needless to say, my last week at home was tense.
Getting here was an adventure. I was on the bus for a day and a half, and the bus got stopped at a border town to check for illegal immigrants. A couple people were pulled off the bus and had their stuff searched, but they and their stuff got back on the bus, angry but unscathed.
I had a time actually getting to my friends, but I made it here. They know about what I left behind, and want to help me get my feet under me and get my life started. I’m very grateful to them.