I thought I wasn’t going to write here today anymore, but I suppose–given the outright crabby nature of the last post–my brain was in a digesting process, and is now ready to present me with whatever mental nutrition there is to get.
I had a dream in which the Keeper of the Holograms popped up while I was in an about to be intimate situation. She paraded around, calling me names, telling me that I was a fool to think that my partner was really serious in wanting to be that close to me, that nobody in their right mind would actually want to be that close to me. She said that I was always acting so high and mighty, and here I was, showing myself to be just another slut (I didn’t want to write that word, but it’s what she said in the dream) being ruled by my nasty, base hormones.
I was frozen, not knowing what to say or do. I began wondering if she was right, and if I was really all those things, since I was there in that situation.
She asked me what I thought I was accomplishing, that all that was going to happen was that I’d be used and tossed aside, as I deserved, because that was the only thing I was good for. I was a damn fool to believe that anyone in their right mind would really love me, and anybody who said they did was lying so that they could use me.
I’ve never seen her so openly vicious in any dream I’ve had of her. She just kept talking, kept saying more and more horrible things until I woke up.
Now I wonder if any part of her diatribe was right, even the smallest bit.