Coming down–a little

Things are getting slightly better for me as far the mental/emotional stuff goes. I’m having more dreamlike things; I don’t know if that’s good or not, though.

I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore. I feel just whelmed, if you understand. It’s not overly uncomfortable; now it’s at or near regular discomfort. I consider that a step in the right direction.

I’m still uncomfortable with the feelings the last dream I had brought up. I’m still uncomfortable with what happened in the last dream. That’s part of what I have to work through. There’s still a small voice in my head that says that there are some things you just do not do, not even in dreams.

But mostly it’s the feelings I’m battling. I feel like something was pulled out of me, and now it’s out and walking around, and I can’t put it back in the place it was. I’m trying to deal with a lot of guilt and shame here, for feeling what I do, and thinking what the feelings are having me think.

It’s like coming face-to-face with a part of you that was so hidden that you’re surprised and shocked that it’s there. I keep telling myself that these feelings aren’t bad, they’re just new. I’m not making any headway in convincing myself yet.

I feel impatient with myself, too. This dream happened a week ago, and I’m still talking about it, still feeling it. It’s shameful, it really is.

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